Chronic

Understanding the Game

2010-02-12T06:18:00.000-08:00

i was among the greatest, i was. a living memory, a beautiful past. i breathe your name, i see your face. it wasnt easy afterall, it never was to begin with. but dont get me wrong tho.its not because ive given up, its because i choose to stay out of the game. i had my fair share with ladies, and i believe life isnt all aboutthe ladies anymore. you lose a little, you gain a little. the mind keeps on thinking, life is about your family and friends rather. its just what my minds thinking right now, and it still is. dont worry, i dont understand my mind too sometimes. but hell sure i know what im doing, and im certain :)

xoxo
252

not older and wiser, just old and wise enough

2009-09-01T10:53:00.000-07:00

i thought of something, and i'm sharing...

i was talking to my boss the other day, talking about life, about gay people, about things that are beyond our control.. it was pretty much all about business sense but somehow it could relate to life.. like, whatever you apply to business, you could apply it to your everyday life.. if you have a business, you want to make the best out of it.. same applies to your life, you want to live the best that life has to offer..

i was walking my usual route home when sudden questions came to my mind..
i was having some trouble in my life.. *this is just something within me*

"who am i?" "what am i?" "why am i behaving this way?"

i gave it a long thought and i could only come up with a couple of conclusions..

setbacks are just setbacks, i don't need them to run my life down.. but these setbacks are affecting my life pretty bad.. i need to make this change, i have to..

if whatever happens means nothing, i wouldn't be in this condition.. if it really means something, then i would.. people change when they get older, they tend to be wiser.. but this change i'm having is not about me getting older or wiser, it's just about me letting my life being pulled down and not doing anything about it.. i've had enough of those and i'm fighting it..

i'm getting good, i got this through.. my life was high, then it went down, and now it's high all over again.. i'm not getting older or wiser, i'm already old enough and wise enough to know what's best for me.. sometimes, you let the moment of heat run wild.. you let things take control of you before you take control of them.. this is something i always foresee.. i'm still working on this stage in my life, i'm still reading and thinking to make myself better..

i have my instincts to guide me along, and i'm thankful that a couple of my friends are actually capable of really reliable opinions.. through and done, i'm not looking back.. i am best at where i'm standing right now, been there and done that.. there's no regret in my dictionary, cause everything just makes me whole..

but i'm careful of decisions now, and i'm thinking before i do anything.. so fret not, i don't hold grudges and bygones will be bygones..

i'm coming back, as a whole and better individual.. i've changed, and i need you to see that...

against the grain - go check it out

so soft, and slow
never knew a girl could be so god damn cold, i know
........

Instinct Game Life

2009-08-03T12:12:00.001-07:00

Instincts are something you are born with.. Either you're with it, or you're always against it.. I understand why certain things pull me down, because I just choose not to trust my instincts.. And whenever that happens, I always fall really really hard.. One thing for sure, your very own instinct will never fail you.. You know what you're capable of and what's not, and that's where your instinct comes in.. I've been pondering, wondering, thinking, cracking my brain on this just to see if this theory of following your instincts is really true.. And it is, definite..

I'm done with the games I've been playing.. This will be the first and the last that I fall in this game.. There's always win and lose in any game, but for sure you'll hate to lose it in this one.. I've always won, never lost.. I always break, i dont get broken.. I decide the outcome of the game, always me.. But when the tide suddenly change, you just need to adapt to the change.. I've had my fair share of effects on losing the game, and I'm done here.. Hate it or love it, be thankful that I'm done here.. Cause if I were to get myself going again, your species are at the losing endd..

Anyways, a fall is just a fall.. I'm over it, and I am a whole lot better now.. It made me see everything clearer now.. Life is resuming like how it's supposed to, everything is just back on track now :)

And about me, I've been working alot.. I'll be away this weekend overseas, and I'll be away again the week after next.. Life is very unpredictable, i'm tasting sweetness right now.. Brought some new people in my life, keeping some old ones.. And alcohol has been such a devil tempting me every now and then.. And to how it's rolling right now, I'll keep my mouth shut and just have the best that's happening right now..

*trust me, reflections every night helps a huge deal..

I'm currently listening to Now I Know by One Chance (Listen, I mean this one)

you name it

2009-07-05T02:35:00.000-07:00

fuck those bullshit, i ain't tripping.

*you bring another side of me that i dont know..

Mad

2009-06-07T11:29:00.000-07:00

*i'm listening to mad by neyo while typing this out. try hearing it while reading this out.

i've got close to someone, close as in i've regard her a part of my life.

i havent had someone like that for almost a year already, and i know it is gg to be tough.

i chose this decision cause i believe this is what that's been keeping me all these while.

i'm ready thus the decision to let someone in my life.

the day it happened, she was everything to me.

she was my love, my soul mate, my best friend, my sweetheart.

and the feelings i had for her was the purest.

nothing comes close to that, not even something wonderful.

look, something wonderful is something i've known before her.

SW and I are close, someone very dear to be exact.

there was a time where if there's her, there's me.

there's no me, there's no her.

but we drew a line after time, but we're still close.

line as in she and i will just be friends, nothing more comes to that.

maybe sweetheart just wasn't willing to accept the fact that we're close.

she was just too engrossed about being jealous.

i could call SW dear, baby, princess and all cause we're really that close.

but that's just how i address someone close, i dont feel for her that way.

love probably thinks i'm treating her the same as SW, and she's furious about it.

not exactly, SW will always be SW and you're definitely better than that.

soul mate and i are gg through some things at the moment, that will either make or break us.

as much as how i want to keep it, there's only much i can do.

you can never know anything, if you never let them out.

and whatever i do, is just to get back at you.

best friend, i have feelings. i'm human, just like you.

the way how i vent my frustrations, is to get it back to you.

i know this is wrong, but that's all i could do at the moment.

i feel the whole world is shutting down, the light at the end of the tunnel is fading.

i'm not ready for any relationship either, but i'm trying on this one.

because you're something worth sharing my life with that's why.

i'm going to be gone away for awhile, i dont see the need to be around people.

miss my presence when i'm gone and if you're reading this, i love you sweetheart.

if you think you're mad at me for 1001 reasons, that's just how mad i am at you.

but my love is so pure, your presence is enough to make the mad go away,

i'm gg to sleep tonight, wondering why this is happening.

i'm gg to sleep tonight, with stupid thoughts running through my mind.

i'm gg to sleep tonight, with tears in my eyes.

i'm gg to sleep tonight, with you in mind.

one more thing, mistakes make us better.

dont run away, instead learn and be better from it.

2nd April 2009 0832hrs

2009-04-01T17:31:00.000-07:00

Hello Readers!!

Ages since I last updated and finally, I manage to find the time :)

Well, I know something that's been happening to me lately;

1) I'm nocturnal
2) My passion for bike suddenly grows
3) I got this sudden love for oreo milkshake
4) Haunted places are just the coolest shit
5) Just a little deed can make someone's day
6) And lastly, I cant live without music

Well seems a little but hey, I've been busy working. Trying to take a foot of the accelerator, slowly but still holding on to my responsibilities at the same time. This past few months have been crazy yet memorable and also, exhausting. No need to cut down on the activities, just the time management.

Something to take note of, communication is indeed important. No point trying to do everything yourself and in the end, you got screwed. Life doesnt roll like that, you just need to distribute it among yourself then things will go smoother. 3 more brains are better than 1 if you get what I mean.

Everyday before I step out of my house, there's always a phrase I say "I've not learnt anything in life, I'm learning in life" Never was there a moment in life when I thought I was untouchable in something I do. I never thought I was already the best there is. I'm just 19, I've got a long long way to go. And how I treasure my job right now.

The way how it works may not be the same anymore, but the company's roots are still intact. As in, someone may change how he behaves but deep inside he is still him. I've been working at the company for a very long time for a part time job, 1 year 4months. Come on! I dont even stick to a girl for that long, what makes me stick to this job? Two reason, guidance and colleagues.

This isn't really a job where you can just earn some decent money, it's a place where you learn. Through and through I'm always learning. The director is the main aspiration. He never fails to guide me whenever I'm off track. Honestly, I owe this all to him. You cant find this kind of director anywhere else. He's like a saviour, if not a messiah. Definitely someone who is there to listen and give you advices on the ropes of life. He's more like a friend than a director. And I have the coolest colleagues on earth. We all are experiencing the same phase in life maybe that's why we can all get along very well. ( There's very little age gap among us if you still dont get what I mean) And Khalifah have always been someone I look up to at work. He's like my role model at work. He helps me alot in terms of working. He's there to correct me if I were to do anything wrong. He's a buddy. And hey, I'm still learning. I still need help.

So ya, BBDC is progressing. Cleared all lessons and half the practicals. Just need some test and another half ot the practicals before you can finally see me on the road :) And I owe it all to my friends for their never ending reminder to book pracs and tests.

Okay done for now, til then

idontknowhernamebutiknowshescute

Promise That Came Abit Late

2009-02-11T09:48:00.000-08:00

First and foremost, sorry Syilaa.

I know it came a little late, but yea i was busy.

It's 2am and I'm blogging. Planned to meet up the bunch but was tired so called it off.

Thought I could have an early night but lappy's stopping me. I just feel like writing.

Sitting along the corridor with a smoke at the corner of my lip, here I go

Humans,

they are all very different. Some think they own the world, some think they live just for the sake of living in this world. Idk why this got stuck in my head, wait, maybe prolly I've been talking to too many different people lately.

Own the world,

achieving all aspects in life. Be successful, be respected, be looked up upon. everyone wants that, who doesnt? But each and everyone has the mindset of, "hey, think i could skip this tday then prolly just do it tml". Which of course will never come. Then brings in live for the sake of just living in the world. I believe you got to be realistic.

How you bring yourself up, how you pull yourself down. You choose your own path in life. Different people are brought up in different culture thus affecting the way how they think.

For eg, you were born with people with tattoos surrounding you. You think tattoo is nothing and normal. If you were brought up with everyone around you talking about religion and never miss their prayers, you wouldn't even know what's a tattoo.

My point is, each and everyone of us are brought up in a different culture. And as time lingers pass, you learn the ropes of life and experiences that is either gg to make or break you.

You get to learn what's right and what's wrong. Too much curiousity will lead you bad and a little bit of each, will eventually do you good. And the way you're brought up, plays a part too.

A friend confided in me. Telling me what's been going on with him and stuff. After what I heard, I see myself as how I used to be before my last relationship. Then I snapped, damnnn i've changed. Changed for the good. And life's been pretty sucky since I changed for the good. Haven't had any french, haven't had any smooches, haven't had any anyone to share my life with, and on top af all, haven't had any sex! But I take things as it comes. It's a good thing tho, I'm not willing to go on another relationship knowing I'd break someone else's heart terribly. Maybe after lyana I've learnt my lesson. Wait, maybe after hanah I've changed. Fuck it, idc. But I'm proud that for once, I finally have discovered another part of me that I actually felt good about.

I'm sorry to all the broken hearts I've done wrong, for the boy you once knew has grown up.

i'm willing to push my egos aside, i just want to let you know i still miss you. Miss you as my friend. You were a great friend, relationship is just not the key to make us closer, friendship is.

it's been awhile, i just hope you get my point. i know you're reading this.

Pretty random for me to write about all these, I just wanted to say what's that's been pondering in my mind for quite awhile.

Damnnn! Now i miss alot of people. But then again, life has to roll baby. I'm getting numb to this entire feeling I'm having. I have better things to do. Til then, chaooo senoritas.

Not Bad, Still Doing Good

2009-01-11T10:50:00.000-08:00

Okay, so countdown was majorhotness. Why?
Cause everyone had majorfun and they all got the chance to see me
getting chronic and at the same time, wasted.
All that was ever needed was Jack D, Jim B and a Tequilla Gold.
Cut it short aye, the moral of the story is

I GOT MYSELF WASTED!
fucking hell but it was a great moment tho*

Back to what I was suppose to write about.
Yea, so 2-double0-9 was an instant hit. Started off bad but getting better with everyday stride.
Managing myself pretty good and sleeping early is a really great help for recovery.
Plenty of sleep and I'm actually alright. I don't get tired easily and on top of all, I have all the energy I want to do whatever that's needed to be done.
Only in Practical 2.zero2 at the moment and I'm aiming April for my TP.
*Hey, at least i'm setting a target

Started my attachment on the 5th of January and everything's gg smooth* for the moment.
5fulldays a week might be a little tiring but I find it alright. It's fun though.
okay maybe because i got the coolest company and colleagues on earth*

I just find that life's getting a little bit too boring right now.
You do the same old routine everyday. Wait, maybe I'm making out my life to be boring.
So I'll set my goals to achieve for this month, no. For this week rather;

Monday(work) - I'll update at least two stocklist if not more up til 5pm and I'll push sales to hit target til closing. Meanwhile, I'll prolly show the new guy around the store and teach him some tips to close sales. I got plenty of sales expert coming in at 5pm so I'm saying more then 1.5k for the day. Prolly meet the usual cliques and hangout after work.

Tuesay(off day) - Wake up late. Meet K*****h damnnn she's suuper hot* get some items I've been eyeing and probably go have dinner to sum up the day.

Wednesday, Thursday, Friday(work) - Check out displays, bring a new look to the store, update a few more stocklist, push and push for promotions and hit target!

Saturday(off) - My Very Own Family Day! :) or probably skip it and go sun tanning with a couple of friends heeeehe :)

Sunday(work) - Just push as much sales so I could round up the week with at least a smile :)

Okay, this entry is a little personal but it's alright cause at least I'll remember it.
i'm always forgetting things and at least i don't have to write it down on a piece of paper :)*

Well, at least this entry is long enough to cover up the time I haven't been blogging so I guess that's about it for now :)

Ps: Syilaa, help me out can? Cause I want a tagboard! Heehe :)

The Turning Point

2008-12-03T08:36:00.001-08:00

Reasons to why I'm in this state:

Just two reasons;

1) Very very poor time management and 2) no
self-discipline.

I've been thinking to myself. The older I get, true enough
the more I hate to get nagged. But coming to think about it, people nag for a reason. They don't nag for fun. Then I wondered, no wonder mama always nag at me. Not because she wants to, because she has to. You can't always have fun all
the time. It leads you to nowhere. And you can't work all the time too, it leads you to no life. You'll have to draw a fine margin between them.

Let's get this straight. Now that school's over. I'll have around a month for myself. Make this a fruitful month, or just waste this month like I wasted the previous months. Within a week, I shall only work 5 times. 4 on weekdays and 1 on the weekend. And it's pretty tough especially when you're juggling two jobs at one go. And who know's maybe even three jobs within the coming week. Just proper time management for this part :)

And for my Motorbike License. I can't just leave it hanging. I tend to spend money unnecessarily when I have them. I might as well just deposit half of my salary into my account there and spend it on practicals rather than waste it on some other stuff I don't even know what. And for practicals, it's in between the weekdays. Either when I'm working half shift, or
when I'm not working. That's sorted out. I'll start that by the coming week.

Weekends are the most fun. If I'm not wasted on the weekend's, then the weekend's wasted.If only you get what I'm tryna say. Haha!!

And so I shall carry this out. And I'll only update my blog again at the end of December. To see if i make, or break the month :)

*"ladies come and go, and so does my taste for woman.
i might wana have brownies today, and i might just want to have mayonnaise the next.
and if you think i'm stressed up over you, know one thing baby.
I'm too fly to be depress."

-R.Tucker

A blast and some stupid shit

2008-11-03T10:29:00.000-08:00

I don't understand, I really don't. So screwed up that I don't feel like I'm being me. Right now, my mind's blank. Tossed and turned and till now, I still can't sleep. Is it work? No can't be. Is it school? Maybe. Or is it love? More likely. It's been quite awhile since I last fell for someone. And to what's hapeening now, I can only gaze at the sky blaming that night. That night of just having fun and no intention of anything else.

Anyways, my birthday was a blast. Clock was 1220am and I was at cine waiting for my good friends. Shidah bought me a cake which was suuper sweet, Raudhah and Alep was there too to share the joy :) watched tropical thunder and headed home soon after that. Thanks for that 1st celebration!! bombarded with msges and calls the next day i woke up, damn it was nice :) at least people remembered, unlike last year where it was just like a normal day except for some wishes. cleaned the bed and went out to meet g. mum was making noise la cause people were all coming to celebrate and i'm not there but it's okay, i prefer the halloween night safari with g better :) had sakae before that and tasted some really nice food, all thanks to g :) the HNS was fun uh. suuuper fun. got ah pui dressed up like some retard butcher and also sadako was there. but the thing that made it sooo memorable was the smell of the hair, the head on the shoulder and of course, the prettyface :) she made it all look good. took a bus to lot1 and g took a cab home from there. had muffins g made once i'm home. it was suuuper nice i tell you, and the sweetness of the muffin lasted in my mouth for three days cause ppl said i sweet talk too much after that for three consecutive days. haha!! received a few more belated bday wishes the next day and yea, I wished everyday was my birthday. haha!!

she made us drinks, to drink. we drunk'em got drunken and i think she thinks i'm cooooool. she gave me a wink, i winked back. it's time for us to get flyyy tonight!! haha crazy!!

1st November, Cassandra's birthday. Came late, say 0110hours? got a jug of bourbon coke and then some stupid shit. don't wana talk about it. one of the reasons i came down was to see you but it all ended up in some stupid misund, uh again I'll say it, stupid shit. everything's different now to where it all first started. i can feel the change baby, can you? maybe you don't realise it cause it's you the one making the change. whatever it is, fuck it. some stupid shit..... i'll end this stupid blog and go do what i was doing again repeating the same steps all over again beginning with paragraph one.

School Work And My Life

2008-10-19T10:38:00.001-07:00

Life's so bored right now. School and work have been taking up so much of my time that I hardly have time even for myself. Not only that, it gets pretty tiring and it's affecting my love life ! So I decided, this can't go on forever. I'll only work on the weekends so at least I won't get myself too tired for school the next day, and party only after work. This way, at least everything's in order and not in a mess. I'll still contribute to work and still attend school, which is not so bad right ? At least I managed my time properly.

Anyways, I apologise if I didn't had the time for you people recently. There was just too many things happening around me at one time. But now I'm already dealing with it, so we will all meet up soon okay :)

Sorry

2008-08-24T19:37:00.001-07:00

Heyhey , yea so sorry hee :) couldn't blog this past week .. too busy with everything that's happening around me . Had chalet back to back for two weeks and as usual , schedule packed with work and school .. I've been missing school alot for the last week . In 5 days , I only attended school about only a day .. I've been dropping by school now and then but because I have to sign some papers , or settle some other school related stuffs . And that reminds me of my exams which is coming up pretty soon .. Mid September which is the fasting month !! Okay , I'll try and do full thirty fot this upcoming fasting month :) right now , i'm not really feeling well .

Certain things are meant to be left unspoken . It makes you think , think and see the picture to why it's all in this state now .. Why is everything in a mess ? Maybe it's my fault , my own selfish thoughts ? Or maybe it's yours ? I'm not pointing fingers , it's partly my fault too but just look back and think . Things happens for a reason .. No one , absolutely nobody can make you realise it except your own self because no one else knows you better except you , H***H .

*wondering*
I didn't really had a good sleep yesterday . Why ? Because I just can't .. Every night before I head to bed , I'll at least message if not talk to you . Didn't you feel weird that there's no message coming from me suddenly .. Have it ever come acrossed your mind that maybe I'm missing you so bad and just maybe , I'm waiting for your call so I could hear your voice to at least ease the soreness of missing you ? Or maybe you're playing in your mind that I'm prolly too busy and couldn't afford the time to msg you ? Even when I'm busy , I do message you cause it never fails to make me grin , smiling to myself , making my day .. But for now , dear god ....
*snap back to reality*

Damnn ! How can that even cross my mind ?!

Anyways , I left something here .. And it's for you , my baby :)

http://www.imeem.com/simplysoulfull/music/MMJaUeMu/trey_songz_cant_help_but_wait/

I'm getting one of these later ! :)

Urghh !

2008-08-12T02:31:00.000-07:00

Damn , i'm feeling weird .. No mixed up , no i don't know . Nahh , skipped school tday cause i was freaking tired .. Had a msg from Ms Chin (Class Advisor) asking me why i didn't attend school and i'm on the brink of debarment . Told her i was tired and evrything then she didn't reply .. never you mind , I'll see her tml and just wink my eye at her :) spent the whole day at home lazing around with rebecca :) well , then i started the laptop and surfed the net ,cleared my mails , friendster , youtube , imeem , dump.com haha ! came across loads of stuff I didn't expect . Read up my director's blog , which I don't know he had one til I came across it . Well yea , I read his whole blog then it started to hit me .. One by one , I just didn't realise it . The whole time I was working it actually changed me and taught me a few things in life .. Okay , quite a lot uh . From simple things like responsibility (i'm trying hard okay) , all the way to chances in life .. And i'm still trying to get a grip in life . Everyday is a learning journey and I always try to improve myself be it simple little things or major ones .. He's really an inspirational character to me . Not because he's my director , but because he gives me hell loads of advices that really made me open up my eyes and learn the walks through life .

Chances comes once and damn right you'll have to make use of the opportunity that comes by cause you never know if it's gona come agn ..

And yes ! i'm gg to grab every chance that comes by and also cherish every moment in my life !

Take everyday as it is and I'll do good . Had a message from Colin this morning telling me I'm being transferred to Cineleisure .. Looking forward to it , I need a whole new environment and a new breathing air to pull myself up . I really wana make it , I wana make it big in this company .. I hope they recognise my efforts when I'm in Cineleisure . Furthermore it's near Cali so it's very convenient :) but i'm gona miss citylink tho . I had loads of sweet and sour moments there .. but i have to be strong and leave it to prove myself :)

Anyway , browsed thru friendster and found myself in this situation .. Everything is in a mess and done uh , i don't know what i'm typing now . I'm just gg to do what I feel like doing now ..

And yea a lil more about myself , I tend to turn to blogging when I'm down . Okay la , I'm starving .. I'm to shower then to food . I'll update soon okay ,

Peacee ! , with a slant :)

Suuuper tired

2008-07-30T08:56:00.000-07:00

Damnn ! Been feeling very tired of late .. I don't know . Body just reacts so different now .. I'll get really tired in the morning but be really active comes night .

Anyway , worked at Cineleisure from 5to10 tday . And it was fun :) although tiring .. Shenzi dropped by and talked with us for awhile . Anyway , Shenzi is my boss .. Talked a little about the trip he had back in bkk . It was nice .. Anyway , I'm heading down there too on the 23rd of August which I soo can't wait . Loads of plans running through my mind for the trip .. It's gona be crazy baby but till then , I'll just have to keep it to myself hee :)

that's about all for now I guess .. i'll put up some pics the next time i update alright . i'm just suuuuuper tired .. have to be up by 6am tml ! goodnight people :)

First honour....

2008-07-28T05:18:00.000-07:00

hey... first post...
hmmm.... ok so, i'm shidah..
here with wan and azlia at Lee family block..
haha...i'm doing the honour by writing on his first post on his new blog...
courtesy of we.. (me and az)